Crossroads
by Anae-chan
Summary: The war is over, and now Kanda and Lavi are supposed to know what to do with it, what to do with each other. It's not that easy. Written for LaviYuu Day. Lavi/Kanda.


_Title__: Crossroads  
__Author__: Anae  
__Beta__: None. So be warned.  
__Fandom__: D. Gray-Man  
__Characters/pairing__: Lavi/Kanda  
__Rating__: PG-13?  
__Spoilers__: Mentions of Kanda's arch  
__Disclaimer__: I own neither Kanda nor Lavi, and the song (thus the fic's name) are from Dead by April's "Crossroads".  
__Summary__: __The war is over, and now Kanda and Lavi are supposed to know what to do with it, what to do with each other. It's not that easy. _  
_A/N__: I drove 6 hours today, partied yesterday and got work tomorrow, thus, I should be in bed already, but still wanted to write something for the LaviYuu fest. I will get this proof-read later, but wanted to get it out today. I absolutely love the pairing to pieces. So, happy LaviYuu day everyone, hope you enjoy!_

* * *

**_Crossroads_**

_Standing at the crossroads now  
And we can't back down_

* * *

Long, pale fingers trace over the stigma, mark that Innocence has carved in the skin. In bright daylight, it's color is deep, dark red, but if the light is fading even a bit – like it usually is in this dark world one lives in, just like tonight's pale moonlight – those marking look as black as a raven.

At those times, they're exactly like Noah's marking, and somehow it feels sickening. And sometimes, those stigmas feel like brands – in a way, it's like the Exorcist are marked for life, like they're slaves – they branded slaves once upon a time, did they not, so what's the difference?

A sigh escapes – akin to a growl – from Kanda's mouth as he lifts his eyes up to the sky, to the moon that illuminates the world. The war is supposedly over, the Noah, Earl and Akuma gone, and he has absolutely no idea what to think of it, absolutely no idea what he's supposed to do now.

Kanda's been a soldier, an Exorcist, all of his life, more or less willingly, and even before this life he was tied to the Black Order, forced to fight the Akuma. And now the war is over and he no longer wears the uniform, he's supposed to find a way to live a _normal _life.

He growls, fingers running through long, black hair. He was never supposed to live through this war. He was never supposed to _survive. _The time-bomb inside him was ticking through it all, faster and faster, and it was supposed to stop ticking before the Earl would fall.

But no, the bastard decided to fall before Kanda did.

How frustrating.

What's more is that the Earl also left Bookman Junior alive, something of which Kanda is silently grateful, but the old man didn't make it. Which makes Lavi the next Bookman.

And since the war is over, there's nothing to record here, and no reason to stay in the Black Order. Which, by the way, ceases to exist since if there's no Akuma, there's no need for Exorcists either.

Thus there is no point or reason for Kanda and Lavi to see each other ever again, let alone to continue their "relationship" – relationship meaning a shared physical contact to release the tension and to forget everything just for one moment.

That's at least what they kept telling themselves.

What a futile lie.

As much as Kanda would love to get his frustration and anger and sadness and something he doesn't know or want to name out, there's nothing on the Black Order's headquarters' roof. There's just the moonlight and the chilling wind. In short, it's him sitting alone with his thoughts.

Which is no good, reminding him painfully of Alma and everything else that went wrong in his life.

It's a long list, and he'd rather not add Lavi to it.

Speaking of whom, the idiot is kneeling behind him, hands draping over Kanda's shoulders. It's silent for a moment, because Lavi doesn't say a thing and Kanda can't bring himself to be smart and push the idiot away.

For once, it's Kanda who shatters the silence. "Thought you were leaving today."

Lavi says nothing for a while, and when he does, he doesn't answer. "These didn't fade." His fingers touch Kanda's arm, trailing over the stigma – mark of a slave. "I kinda thought they would."

Kanda snorts. He thought they would, too. "Exorcists are bound for life, apparently." He doesn't note the change of a subject, doesn't know whether to be happy or angry that the red-head is here for a moment more.

Lavi hums as an answer, and buries his face to Kanda's hair, other hand gripping the markings, other wrapping around the ex-Exorcist's waist.

Without thinking, Kanda's hand comes to rest upon Lavi's. If there's fate or God or anything like that, Kanda decides that he hates it. Not that they've ever been best friends with fate-or-whatever, but after everything he had to go through, one would think that he deserved something. But no, the fate decided that he would live through everything only to meet a person he should give up in the end. Twice.

Fuck the Innocence for choosing him. Fuck the Earl for dying; everything was much easier when the bastard was still alive.

Time ticks by and Kanda doesn't how long they sit there, night closing around them, wrapping them into a tight embrace and slowly letting go as the first rays of light pierce through the dark curtain that shadows the world.

"Didn't leave 'cos didn't wanna leave you", Lavi suddenly mutters, taking Kanda by surprise.

The words make him stiffen, and if he didn't know what to say before, he sure as hell doesn't know now. Instead, he turns to look at the new Bookman, making them to let go of each other.

For a long moment they just stare each other – one vivid green and pair of dark blue fixed on each other, both trying to see under the surface, to see something that's always been there, existence of a feeling they've known for a long time.

Their lips touch, shy and careful and loving – something they could never afford to be. At that moment, they both are just two young people who care for each other, nothing more or less. It might have been just lust in the beginning, but it slowly grew to a feeling they couldn't and wouldn't name. Something called love.

When they part, Lavi's hands are on Kanda's hair, and Kanda's hand slips from Lavi's neck to his chest. He bites his lip before looking into that one green eye. "I'm coming with you." Letting go was never an option, apparently.

To where Lavi's going, Kanda doesn't know. Maybe Lavi doesn't either. But Kanda realizes it doesn't matter when he sees Lavi grinning from ear to ear and finds himself smiling.

Maybe, after all, in this fucked up world, there was something worth fighting for. And now, there's something to look forward to.


End file.
